Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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