You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
