She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
