I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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