Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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