You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
