i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
