a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
