Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
