Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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