do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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