I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
