I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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