You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
