just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
