is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The uberlube is also flammable
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
