Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
