shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
