Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
