don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it's great music for shaving your balls
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
