just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
