You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
