the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's always time for handjobs
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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