For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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