I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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