I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this is an emotional support booty call
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
