On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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