chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
