She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Found the puke drawer
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
