I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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