And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
