Im at strip club and am horny
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
