So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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