It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
