im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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