the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
