I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You have to summon your inner elephant
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
