I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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