WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
