The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
