Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
