drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
