we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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