That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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