I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
