So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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