Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
