Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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