He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Boobs speak an international language.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
