We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
